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Archive for April 1st, 2013

For the day that’s in it, five scoops.

Managing partner at major professional services firm found cheating on wife – claims it has nothing whatsoever to do with him in his role as a husband, and he was careful to operate Chinese Walls at all times throughout

WhatisYOURproblem

Scandal today, with revelations that the managing partner of Touche Cox and Sparks in Ireland, Mr Brian O’Schwarzman (pictured, above) has been found cheating on his wife. The torrid affair has been going on for ages, but in a furious showdown at their south Dublin home last week, a thoroughly unrepentant O’Schwarzman was temporarily silenced as he was presented with the evidence of his peccadillos, before he mounted a spirited defence by claiming the emotional, spiritual and physical part of him that was having the affair was entirely separate to that which had promised, for better or worse, to love his spouse. “I was physically in a different place” he asserted when the infidelities occurred with “the other woman”, with whom he truthfully confirmed, he had engaged in different sexual positions and practices to those inflicted on his wife. Mentally and spiritually too, he claimed, he occupied a different space, “so what exactly is YOUR problem” he told his long-suffering wife.  Judging by the (stir)frying-pan indentation on his noggin today, the missus just didn’t accept the Chinese Walls defence. Never mind, we still do.

Michael McNamara found stealing Micheal Martin’s hair in Dail

MysterySolved 

Labour’s Michael McNamara, is stealing Micheal Martin’s hair, one strand at a time. Using a 24,000 frame per second recording device, the angelic-faced Clare deputy was observed in the Dail chamber on three separate occasions in the past week, sprinting at Flash-like speeds from his seat on the Government benches, over to stand beside the Fianna Fail leader where he applied a dab of aloe vera to the scalp of the Cork politician before painlessly plucking a single hair with a tweezers and darting back to his seat, where he gave a little grin. The Clare TD saves all the strands and once a month has them inserted as extensions in his own hair. As for Micheal Martin, the only physical reaction observable to this disgraceful display of personal larceny is a slight smirk at an inappropriate moment when the Fianna Fail leader is on his feet making a speech or asking a question.

And jumping on the bandwagon, a family of Kerry politicians is now said to be livid. “When my fodder entered the Dail 16 years ago, he had a head of hair on him that would beat the Jackson Five, but just look at him now, and me after 24 months no better, and him over there laughing at us like fools” said an animated raggedy man with his flatcap removed pointing at a much depleted crown.

Denis O’Brien goes full 24 hours without suing anyone 

PleaseLetItBeAFreak

 

Not even an application for an injunction or a threatening letter before action. From Dublin to Los Angeles, lawyers were atremble last week after it emerged that a full 24-hour period had elapsed when Digicel chairman Denis O’Brien didn’t sue anyone. Did the sudden cessation herald an end to a gravy train of lucrative fees? There was a mighty sigh of relief when normal service resumed with an injunction application, but for a moment there, it was touch and go.

NAMA sells Irish Glass Bottle site to the Chinese in Guantanamo-type deal

J20

It has been taxing the best minds at NAMA for over a year, since the site was placed in receivership, but there is immense relief in Treasury Buildings that a buyer has finally been found for the 25-acre former Irish Glass Bottle site in Ringsend, and not just that, the buyer is paying an impressive premium. Yes, you will soon be seeing fifth generation Chinese jet fighters over the skies of Ballyfermot as NAMA, under the auspices of the state, has sold a 99-year lease in the site as a military base to the People’s Republic of China for €412m, a figure remarkably close to proceeds expected from the controversial sale of Coillte’s harvesting rights. China is now expected to establish transport and barracks facilities on the former dump over the coming year. Controversially, there will also be detention facilities where individuals hostile to China will be renditioned, incarcerated and interrogated. The Chinese have committed not to use torture on detainees and will merely use enhanced interrogation techniques to get information. It is understood that as part of the deal, NAMA itself will be entitled to an annual quota of developer interrogations at the facility. “We’ll find the billens, one way or the other”, a senior NAMA official is understood to have recently boasted to colleagues.

Pat Kenny to take €8.65 an hour pay-cut and commits to becoming 1% more condescending to poor people

CondescendingPlusOne

Having gone to ground after the misleading RTE report last week on salaries paid to presenters, it is now understood that top-earning commenter-and-question-asker, Pat Kenny is to take a €5,000 cut to his €630,000 annual salary – negotiated 2 years ago when Pat was 63 and the bargain struck with the killer line “make it an even €10k for every year I’ve graced this earth and you’ve got yourself a deal”. The €5,000 cut equates to €8.65 an hour. Pat has also offered to become 1% more condescending when he is interacting with poor people, so as to give an appearance of greater empathy. He will now be tilting his head a smidgen more when he is forced on Prime Time to interact with the hoi polloi struggling to deal with the harsh realities of economic life in the State in 2013.

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